just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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