theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
