I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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