Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
