I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
