We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
