I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
