Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
