to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
