so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
