I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Found the puke drawer
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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