don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
