I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
