i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
