Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
