We should be called the Road Head Warriors
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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