This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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