what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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