living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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