His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
