My friends, they love my intelligence
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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