My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
