You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
