fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
