I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
