In the future we'll all be gay
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
