no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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