Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
