i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
