why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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