You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
