4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
