pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Randomize
