I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
