i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
