i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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