Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
