life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
