Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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