You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
