Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
