TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
