just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
