Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
