i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
