What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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