Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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