last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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