I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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