Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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