So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
